UGH IDIOT!

Do you ever feel like such an idiot?

Well i’m sure you do like I do, time to time. If you’re like me, you dwell in your feelings, go over and over it in your head. Not good! Ugh today I feel like a big idiot, for a lot of reasons.. Lessons I haven’t learned yet or took me too long to learn. Things I have done that were embarrassing and I wish I could take back (i’m sure we all have many of those) Believing in things that I wanted to think were true but weren’t. Stuffing my bra in eighth grade and everyone in the cafeteria seeing the kleenex peaking out (yes that really happened), the realization of a tough fact, my actions in certain situations, complaining about things I shouldn’t, constructive criticism from loved ones, hoping for change when there wouldn’t be. Making a coffee this morning and putting the cream back in the cupboard instead of the fridge, just generally being too hard on myself. Each of us have our own things that make us feel like dumbies! It’s difficult to deal with when we’re in the moment. We might stay embarrassed all day, beat ourselves up, numerously reliving the moment cringing at the thought and wishing we could go back and redo it! Man I have some pretty good ones that still to this day I think to myself, “UGH IDIOT!!” That bra stuffing incident is a big one!! As humans, we torture ourselves over moments we wish we could take back. I was looking at synonyms for idiot and there were words like “fool, dunce, halfwit, moron, cretin…” again the word that comes to my mind is “UGH!” Who wants to be any of those words?! I think Cretin affected me the most, not necessarily sure why but if you say cretin out loud it just sounds yucky!! “You’re a Cretin!”… YUCK!! Understandably, we all want to be perfect but we are not and in those moments we have to remember we’re human! We make mistakes. We should focus on what we like about ourselves! Here goes.. I like that i’m funny, i’m a big dork, I always want to be laughing or saying stupid jokes. In the most darkest of moments I try to make myself laugh, think or watch something funny. There’s a line from one of my favourite movies “Just Go With It” where the little boy says “Why are we always laughing, is there something wrong with us?” I can relate completely! I like that i’m kind, not always for sure, but deep down i’m a kind person. I don’t do things maliciously! I always open the door for strangers, especially the elderly (they’re too cute not to help) I never give up on people I love, even when i’m on the receiving end of wrong. I’m social, bring me anywhere and I can have a conversation with strangers like I have known them forever. I believe in love no matter how many times it has proved me wrong! I’m an over thinker, which can be an UGH IDIOT thing also, but I was told the other day “over thinkers are over lovers”. I loved that, I will take being an over lover instead of being an over hater any day! I treat my dog like he’s my baby which people might think is pathetic but he’s a big rottweiler, I want him to be a sweet boy. He is a big baby now because of me which I kinda love, he’s sensitive! I’m also sensitive, I cry for everything which sometimes may not be the best thing but then again it means i’m not emotionless and I care. I can see people at their worst and still love them anyways, which is half UGH IDIOT, but i’d rather love without limitation than easily lose feelings. I love adventure.. I want to see new places of the world, take off on a whim, move to a different country or city at the spur of the moment, never afraid of taking chances and uprooting my life! I like that I have never been part of the norm; I like crazy hair colours, funky clothes, creative jobs. I’m a conversationalist, not argumentative. I hate going to bed angry! I don’t judge people.. where someone came from, their family background, trials they have gone through, actions they have done, what they do for fun. I’m not materialistic, I don’t care if you have a fancy car, live in a mansion or a shack.. as long as you’re a good person, none of that matters to me! I like being cuddly and affectionate. I don’t blame others for my mistakes, I take responsibility for my actions. I like the simple things in life.. I don’t need extravagant events, sitting on the couch with a loved one is good enough for me! I’m an old school hippie, I love vintage cars, peace signs, antique things. I believe in marriage and sticking with one person for the rest of your life through good and bad forever (that’s the old school in me) I will keep trying til the end, it’s hard for me to let go especially with people I love! If you need me i’ll drop what i’m doing and come to you no matter what time of day or night. I will always support you no matter what! When we are thinking about our UGH IDIOT moments we need to remember what we like about ourselves. We all makes mistakes, some big some small, but at the end of the day we need to forgive ourselves and remember the good! When you’re feeling down, embarrassed, wishing you can change some of your actions or another’s actions, someone gives up on you or you’re giving up on you, just remember we are all humans and we make mistakes. You cant go back in time but you can move forward and know deep down inside you’re not a bad person… you’re just a person! Make a list of all the things you like about yourself too. Try, even if you trip over and over again and have to try multiple times, to change the things you don’t like about yourself and never stop trying no matter how long it takes! Don’t be too hard on yourself. Rely on the people who do value and love you because regardless of your flaws, if you hurt them, made mistakes or your imperfections, if they do truly love you they always will! If they don’t then they never really loved you to begin with. Always remember, no matter what, to love yourself despite all the humanly “UGH IDIOT!!!”

Peace, Love & be human xoxo