Come on, now!!
Having a platform like this, a space where I can pour my thoughts into words and share them with the world, feels like both a privilege and a responsibility. It allows me to voice things that matter not only to me but to those I love and even to complete strangers who might stumble upon my writing, looking for someone who understands, for someone who’s been there.
Through this blog, I share personal experiences, hoping they resonate with someone, educate others on things they might not have known, and most importantly, remind people that they are not alone. Sometimes, it’s just a way to vent, to scream into the void and release the thoughts that weigh me down.
Lately, there’s been one subject that I can’t shake off, something that has puzzled me for most of my life, infidelity. Being a hairstylist for so long, listening to the stories my clients confide in me, having friends and family go through it , I have heard countless accounts of betrayal. And, unfortunately, I’ve experienced it myself.
And honestly? I still don’t understand how people do it. How do they live with themselves, carrying a secret that gnaws at their conscience? How do they look their partner in the eye, knowing what they’ve done? What drives someone to be unfaithful?
This question has been swirling in my mind more than ever lately. Maybe it’s the accumulation of stories I’ve heard over the past fifteen years, the heartbreak etched in people’s voices as they relive their pain. The latest one I heard left a bitter taste in my mouth, one that I can’t seem to wash away.
Of course, names and identities remain anonymous. But the weight of these betrayals is something I carry with me. It makes me wonder, how do the betrayed ones deserve this? And how do the cheaters live with themselves, knowing they’ve destroyed someone who trusted them?
One particular story will always stay with me. I’ve told it before, but it’s too powerful, too heartbreaking not to tell again. When I started working at my last salon, a woman sat in my chair for the first time. She told me to do whatever I wanted with her hair, it had been a long time since she had done anything for herself. And I could see it in her face, in the tired lines around her eyes, in the way she held herself like the weight of the world was pressing down on her shoulders.
As the appointment went on, she started opening up. And that’s when I understood the pain behind her eyes. Her husband of ten years, the father of her child, had been having an affair. For two years. With her best friend.
The ultimate betrayal.
She found out, confronted him, and told him to pack his bags. But she made it clear, no matter what he had done to her, she would never deny their son his father. That kind of strength is something I admire. But what happened next is something I still can’t wrap my head around.
That same day, after coming home from work, she heard her son crying. She went to check on him, expecting to find her husband in the room with him but he was alone. She started to search the house for her husband and eventually found him hanging in the laundry room.
She told me he had been struggling for a long time with suicidal ideation, but she couldn’t help but feel like her decision to leave pushed him over the edge. The guilt, the sadness, it consumed her. And as much as I reassured her that his actions were his own, that no one should bear the burden of someone else’s choices, I knew it was something she would carry for the rest of her life. That story will forever shatter me.
Unfortunately, betrayal isn’t rare. I’ve seen relationships crumble after years of deception. I’ve heard of men, husbands and fathers, texting other women, meeting them in secret, pretending that it wasn’t cheating because “nothing physical happened.” And before anyone jumps in, yes, women cheat too. I’ve had friends who have done it, and when I asked them why, they didn’t even have an answer.
Some of them were in unhappy relationships, but others were in seemingly perfect ones. And that’s what baffles me the most. If you’re unhappy, why not leave? Why betray the person who trusts you the most?
Back in the 1960s, infidelity was almost glorified. Businessmen were expected to have mistresses, it was a status symbol. And yet, decades later, things haven’t changed much. In 2012, infidelity hit its highest recorded numbers. Shouldn’t we be evolving? Becoming better, more respectful partners?
And don’t even get me started on the culture of side chicks. The way some people wear infidelity like a badge of honor makes me sick.
During my years working in a Toronto salon, I had plenty of wealthy businessmen sit in my chair. Their conversations? Almost always about women. Women who weren’t their wives. They didn’t see anything wrong with it, dinner dates, emotional affairs, late-night texts. But cheating isn’t just physical. It’s the betrayal of trust, the disregard for the person you promised loyalty to.
Honestly, where is the self-control?
Infidelity, in my opinion, stems from many things, selfishness, ego, the need for validation, immaturity, thrill-seeking. But mostly? I think it comes from a lack of conscience. Because we all make mistakes. But to repeatedly cheat, knowing the damage it causes, without ever learning from it? That takes a special kind of disregard for others.
I know people who have cheated simply because they wanted attention from someone new. But isn’t that what relationships are for? If you crave attention, shouldn’t you be getting it from your partner?
Most cheaters don’t think of the consequences, until it’s too late. Until they’ve lost everything. And even then, do they really feel remorse? Or just regret that they got caught?
But let’s end this on a hopeful note. Because despite all the heartbreak, I’ve seen love that proves infidelity isn’t inevitable. I have friends who met their partners in high school and have remained faithful through the years. I’ve seen men who have never once entertained the thought of cheating. And my father? He is my greatest example of what a real man should be. He married my mother young, worked hard to provide for us, and has been loyal to one woman for thirty-five years.
So to anyone who has been cheated on, don’t let it define you. You are worthy of love, of loyalty, of someone who will never make you question your worth.
And to the cheaters? If you want to sleep around, and you are in a monogamous relationship, be single. No one gets hurt that way. Figure out why you do it, because it’s a toxic habit, and you should work on fixing it. Think about your future, your children. How would you feel if someone did it to them?
Betrayal is one of the most painful things a person can go through. But at the end of the day, we all have control over our actions. So let’s choose to be better. To be honest. To be faithful. Because love, at its core, should be built on trust. And without trust, what do we really have?
Peace, Love & let’s be loyal xoxo
*In one year, 34,000 people take their own lives. If you’re reading this and have ever struggled with suicidal thoughts, please know this—life can be unbearably hard at times, but it can also be incredibly beautiful. Don’t let the pain blind you to the beauty. You are loved, more than you may ever know. The world needs you in it. Talk about your struggles, reach out, and never carry your burdens alone. There is always someone willing to listen, to help, to love you, to remind you that you are not alone.
Please go to www.ontariosuicideproventionnetwork.ca to find a crisis centre near you.
You are not alone, Stay strong <3
30 Comments
Trina
This was truly moving and never talked about …so thank you for sharing the truth and wise words…I love your old soul wildchild keep on writing xo
octobershy@gmail.com
Aww thank you beautiful! Appreciate you reading 🙂 It’s a taboo subject for most so thought it would be a good subject to write about, hopefully 2018 dispels all the cheaters :p
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octobershy@gmail.com
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