Come on, now!!

Having a social platform like this website, i’m lucky enough to shed some insight on things that mean a lot to me, my loved ones or anyone else going through any of the subjects like the ones I write about. It’s a great way to share personal experiences, educate others on stuff they might not have known, make someone happy or feel like they’re not alone. Even just letting me vent my thoughts! This subject i’m going to talk about is something that has made me wonder most of my life and i’ve never really found the true answer to it. Being a hair stylist for so long and having family and friends go through it themselves, i’ve heard a lot of stories about infidelity. Sadly at a couple points in my life i’ve had it happen to myself as well. I don’t know how people do it!! Keeping a secret like that, doesn’t it eat away at your soul?? I know it would mine! Carrying that lie, how do you look your partner in the eye after that? A big question of mine is what makes someone a cheater?? This subject has come to mind lately since i’ve had such a build up of stories i’ve heard in my last fifteen years sadly, heard a new one not too long ago and just wanted to let it out. Obviously keeping the parties anonymous of course!! Really tho, how did the betrayed ones deserve that? And how do their loved ones not feel terrible on a daily basis having done that to them??
When I first started working at my last salon, which i’ve told this story before but it’s such an impactful one I have to tell it again. I had a lady sit in my chair for the first time and told me to do whatever I wanted with her hair. That it had been a while since she had done anything for herself, which showed all over her face! She looked haggered, the weight of the world visibly on her shoulders! Later on in the appointment she started opening up and I realized why she seemed this way. Long story short, her husband of 10 years whom she shared a child with was having an affair for 2 years with her best friend. That’s the ultimate betrayal! Not one but two loved ones hurting you!! Poor girl! She went on to tell me the morning she found out, she told her husband to pack his things and move out but that she wanted shared custody of their child because she did not want to deny her son of his father no matter what he had done to her! That’s an amazing woman!! She later on came home from work and heard her son crying. She found her son in his bedroom and started looking for her husband. Her husband had hung himself in their laundry room. I know, awful isn’t it?! She had told me that her husband was suicidal for a while and she felt so much guilt for a long time that telling him she wanted a divorce might’ve caused his actions of killing himself. Now obviously that devastating story is a rare one, people who cheat don’t usually kill themselves because of it. Clearly he was going through so much more and how sad that he thought taking his life was a relief of his problems! Heartbreaking!! I’ve known people to be in a relationship for years to find out their significant other has had other relationships on the side with not even a shred of evidence of an affair. Not too long ago I heard a story about a married man with a child messaging another woman to “hang out”. It really makes me sick and I will go on record saying I know it’s not just men, women cheat too! What I want to know is why and sadly I don’t think i’ll ever really know that answer! Personally in my life i’ve had friends who cheated on their partners, i’ve asked them why and they didn’t even really know the answer themselves. Most of those friends were in happy relationships, not saying that being in an unhappy one is an excuse but it is a little more of a reason then being in a happy one and being unfaithful! In the 1960’s infidelity was glorified, business men were booming and having a mistress on the side gave the men more of a status.. Oh yes, how admiring! (sarcasm, obviously) 2012 was the highest on record to date for having affairs. That was only five years ago!! Shouldn’t we be becoming better people as the years go on?! Although the memes about side chicks are becoming more and more popular, so gross! When I worked for twelve years at a salon in Toronto, there were many business men with lots of money who would come in to get their hair cut. Beautiful women were usually their conversation piece and most of these men were in relationships. They didn’t think anything wrong with meeting other women for dinner, having emotional connections with women other than their wives or girlfriends or even just texting other women. Um really men, do you actually think that isn’t wrong? Do you think this makes you look good? Like seriously?? I mean i’ve had relationships and am obviously human, DUH there are many an attractive male in this world but I would NEVER cheat on my partner!! Like honestly, where’s the self control?? It truly is an aggravating subject to me, clearly! My diagnosis on the subject of infidelity stems from alot of things… Selfishness, ego, attention seekers, immaturity, wanting excitement but mostly I think it mainly stems from people with no conscience. To be in any kind of relationship, cheat on your significant other and keep doing it without any lesson learned from your first mistake because yes we all do makes mistakes, is truly an act done of no conscience in my perspective. Knowing in the moment how hurt your partner would be, that it’s wrong and how you would feel if it happened to you but still doing it… sounds like no conscience to me! I’ve had girlfriends in my life that have cheated on their men and usually it stemmed from just wanting a mans attention! Can we not get that from our loved one, isn’t that why we are in relationships in the first place?? Many times I think the cheaters don’t think of the repercussions, like there’s no consequence to their actions and usually figure it out the hard way when their loved one leaves them!
On a positive note for relationships, I have one girl friend who’s story I love!! She met her now husband in high school and they have been together ever since. They have a child together, are the cutest couple. Go on dates still, go out as a family and neither one of them has ever cheated! Now that’s a relationship! Rare sadly, but a great one! To me they are one of the cutest couples I know!! I have guy friends who I am so proud of as men. They dated their now wives without even a thought of infidelity, are now married with kids and are the best husbands. My father alone is my greatest example of a man! Married my mother young, worked hard to raise a family, was consistently present in our lives, never cheated and has loved one woman for thirty five years! To all the men and women who have been cheated on or are being cheated on don’t worry, one day you will find a partner who will love you more than anything and would never ever do that to you!! To the men and women who are cheaters…. 1) If you’re gonna cheat, be single! You can have as many people on the go as you want and you will not hurt anyone in the process! 2) Figure out why you cheat, it really is a disgusting quality and something you should definitely fix!! 3) Think of your children or future children, how would you feel if that happened to them?! From a person who has been cheated on and has had friends who have been unfaithful, I have seen both sides. Being cheated on makes you feel so many hurtful things that you don’t deserve to feel… unwanted, not good enough, betrayed, not trusting… Remember it has nothing to do with you! None of the amazing qualities you have should ever be doubted because of someone else’s actions! I also learned a lot from getting cheated on. That I clearly was in the wrong relationship, that I never want to feel that betrayal again and that there were probably some red flags that I should’ve payed attention to! We need to shed more light on difficult subjects and if there is anyone who is reading this that is a cheater or thinking of doing so hopefully this blog will make you think twice because there are so many things we can do wrong to others and being unfaithful is very high up on that list!! I know deep down inside we all want to be the best version of ourselves that we can be so with the things that we can control, let’s try to make this world a much better place!

Peace, Love & let’s be loyal xoxo

*In one year 34,000 people commit suicide. To anyone reading this who has ever had suicidal thoughts, life can be so hard and hurtful yes for sure but it’s also so beautiful! Don’t miss out on the beauty because of the pain! You are so loved by many, remember that and the world needs you in it!! Always talk about your issues, the worst thing to do is keep it in and there’s many outlets and people you can find to help you.

Go to www.ontariosuicideproventionnetwork.ca to find a crisis centre near you.

You are not alone, Stay strong <3