Breakthrough!

Breakthrough…

She sat in her house dress. She loved dresses. Hair disheveled as always, writing glasses on. She thought of the past, not so much experiences, but lessons she has learned. Evaluating who she’s been the last while, feeling somber. Not at where her life was at this moment, she was happy on all counts of that matter, but more so who she had been lately. She always thought of herself as strong, never letting life’s occurrences change who she was and for the past 10 years she never did. It had turned opposite lately. What a violation of all she represented, she thought. She refused to let that happen anymore. Enough is enough!! She had been through so much change in the last year but great change. Alot all at once, yes, but nothing at all disastrous or negative to make her break who she was. Why did this happen?! She really still at this moment has no clue! She became insecure when she’s not. She loves her kind, caring heart. Her passion for adventure and living a life with equal parts excitement and relaxation. Her non judgemental attitude. Her willingness to always try new things. Her respect for people, never wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings. Her need to be laughing everyday, sending out good energy and vibes. Her ability to take chances and not worry about things that weren’t in need to worry about. Her nerdiness. Her work ethic. Her love and support for friends and family. Her unique fashion sense. There was alot she felt confident about. The past year or so, she didn’t recognize the person she had become. She worried about menial things, let little things stress her out. She had dismal energy. Became pessimistic when she always tried to be optimistic. She got anxious. She didn’t just enjoy the little things, she began to always worry about the next move. Who was that person? She tried so hard to understand. Enough with HER! She will never be that girl, ever!! She knows no one’s perfect, she knows everyone makes mistakes and as she finally started turning back into herself, she can’t beat herself up about it anymore. All she has to do is remember to never turn into that person again! Everyone has a side of themselves that they don’t like and she is saying goodbye to hers!! Unlike the norm, she looked so forward to her 30’s. Those were the years she always thought she’d become more settled in life, find the things she was missing, become the best version of herself. So far at 32 some of those things diminished and she wasn’t going to let that happen anymore. She was always a person of her word and this time she was gonna be just that! Not just for other people, but mainly herself. That girl she was turning into made her so disappointed in herself, when she use to always pride the person she was! She works in an industry surrounded by people and would always be saddened when others would complain about things that really weren’t anything to complain about.. first world problems she’d call them, but the last little while that was her. She tried not to be hard on herself, no matter what her feelings were valid and so were others. She always thought life was so beautiful and she was ruining hers by forgetting to be the girl who loved all the little things and never got upset or worried unless really merited. That’s what she loved about herself most of all. Staring at her laptop screen, she knows that person wasn’t her. It was the bad version she never wanted to be. To her everything happens for a reason and maybe that person had to come out to show her to never let that happen. That she really loves her true self and should never change into anything else, let alone the negative version! Life’s short and she always wants to live her life happy, not sweating the small stuff, full of love and laughter. Kindness and adventure. Family and friends. She never ever wants to be who she had been for the last little while and by no means will be! She was never sad, she was always joking and laughing. She never worried about what would happen tomorrow. She wouldn’t let peoples opinions bug her, a mans actions effect her, financial situation scare her. She moved across the world, spent all her money and worked hard to gain it all back. She was fearless and will be again! She’ll take everyday as it comes like she always use to, grateful to even get the chance to see another day. She will not let others actions effect who she is. She will never let life’s changes turn her into someone she is not, but embrace them like she always had! She will be a silly, hippie, peace and love type of dork with spontaneity and love primarily in her life! She is a strong, independent sweet girl who loves life and will never let herself change into someone she isn’t ever, ever again!

Love yourselves for who you are and never change under no circumstance!!

Peace, love & Be you xoxo