All you need is a big umbrella!

It’s raining here in Toronto, which somehow feels fitting. Isn’t it funny how when it rains, it pours? As if life needs to throw everything at us all at once just to see if we can handle it. No more strength tests, please. I am not a bodybuilder, and if I were, I’d be a pretty pathetic one at that.

Though, to be fair, I did start running again recently. Well, more like my dog decided I should start running again. He gets too excited on our walks and is way too strong for me, so I don’t have much of a choice. But hey, silver linings, exercise is good for anxiety, and honestly, I have to admit, it’s helped. For anyone else who deals with that constant inner turbulence, I recommend giving it a try. Just be warned, the first week is brutal. My legs felt like they’d been through a war zone, and I’d never felt so ancient trying to bend down and pick something up.

But back to the rain. Seriously, why do tough moments have to come in waves? Why not spread them out a little? A sprinkle of hardship here, followed by a stretch of happiness. Then maybe another challenge, but with some more joy in between. Seems fair, right? But no, life prefers the flood method. And while I like to think of myself as a tough cookie, I’m also a massive softy when it comes to my heart.

I can handle life-altering decisions with ease, moving to another country? No problem! Switching careers on a whim? Sure, let’s do it. But when it comes to people being unkind, letting go, confrontation, sadness, or hurt feelings? I crumble. I feel it all, and it weighs on me, lingers longer than it should.

Lately, it’s been one of those downpour moments. A little too much all at once. A few situations that have made me question people, question kindness, question fairness. And then, on top of it all, some scary news about a loved one. A waiting game now. And if you know me, you know I am a self-proclaimed hypochondriac, so let’s just say, I’ll be a wreck until the results come in.

That’s another thing, why do bad things happen to good people? And why do good things happen to the ones who don’t deserve it? That one has never sat right with me. I truly believe in karma. I know, in theory, what goes around comes around. But I’ve seen people who were absolute nightmares in the past now living their best lives, happy families, dream jobs, getting everything they want. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish bad on anyone. But I can’t help but wonder, where’s the lesson? How do people learn to be better if they never face consequences?

And then, on the flip side, I know the kindest, most selfless people who have been put through hell. People who don’t deserve even a fraction of the pain they’ve experienced. How is that fair? If I were in charge, the bad ones would get the tough lives, and the good ones would get the beautiful ones. Seems like a reasonable system, don’t you think? But I suppose, in the end, that’s not for us to decide. Maybe it all balances out somewhere beyond what we can see.

I get it, though. Philosophers say we wouldn’t appreciate the good without the bad. That we need the contrast, the light and dark, the yin and yang. And sure, it makes sense. But if you ask me? I could do without the dark. I don’t need heartbreak to make me grateful for love. I don’t need loss to make me value what I have. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. So, I guess the only thing we can do is hold onto hope in the dark moments, even when we can’t see the light just yet. Because it will come. It always does. Even if it takes time.

If you lose a job you love, and you don’t know when or if you’ll find another,remember, you’ve found one before, and you will again. If someone hurts you, dismisses you, makes you feel like you don’t matter, understand that their actions are a reflection of who they are, not of your worth.

If you or someone you love is facing a terrifying health scare, the only thing to do is try to stay as positive as possible, even when it feels impossible. I knew a woman once, a friend’s mother, who was diagnosed with cancer and given only months to live. She defied the odds and lived for four more years, not because the doctors were wrong, but because she refused to give in. She chose to see the good, to keep believing, to stay strong and positive. I still think about her all the time and how much I wish I had that kind of mindset in every situation.

And maybe that’s what we have to do. Try. Even when it’s hard. Even when we don’t want to. Try to be positive, even when the storm is relentless. Try to be strong, even when it feels like the rain won’t stop falling. Because no matter how dark it gets, there’s always something, something to hold onto, something to be grateful for. And in the end, maybe that’s what keeps us going. The hope that the sun will shine again, even after the heaviest storm.

“The cure for pain, is in the pain”- Rumi

Peace, love & never give up xo